Over the past year and a half, and especially over the last 6 months, I've tried over-ambitiously dabbling in a lot of things. Mostly pieces of my old life, trying to find fragments I could still hang on to, even in small ways. Or things I'd wanted to do for awhile but hadn't had time for. Grasping at ways to redeem all these weeks and months from feeling like wasted time.
The problem is, I find I am far too optimistic about my limits and remarkably terrible at estimating the cost.. It is so tempting to take advantage of 'good' days, hoping that 'this time' they will just continue indefinitely. Which of course never happens, and then I wind up crashing into bad days in pretty painful ways.
But it is time to accept the reality of life as it is now. And time to accept that life is going to look different for awhile.
And so: a new commitment to only a handful of small things. To figure out what is manageable and sustainable, even if it means forgoing stuff that 'should be' do-able, and only rarely jumping into fun adventures that my heart says would be worth the cost.
Ergo: blogging. While most of life these days revolves around doctor appointments and basic life-skills, I'm hoping that writing about it will help me to implement this new goal of 'better balance'; and to recognize progress, however small; and to see all the ways that life is much bigger than it sometimes seems..
And also, maybe, to help me accept that if anyone is going to redeem this time, it will be God and not me. And it will be His way not mine. And that it is probably already happening, if I would let go of trying to force everything back into the shape I want it to be.
And also, well, I really need a hobby.
The goal is 3 posts a week, and hopefully sometimes more:
M: Music Mondays
W: Books, Movies, Art, Science, Tech
F: Bits of real life, including my many Misadventures in Medicine